


Once and Future Ineffable Idiots.

by Guessimaclotpole



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Era, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), Just four idiots, M/M, Oblivious Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Oblivious Merlin (Merlin), Post-Battle of Camlann, Pre-Apocalypse, surrounded by probably more idiots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 15:10:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19703917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guessimaclotpole/pseuds/Guessimaclotpole
Summary: In which Crowley and Aziraphale accidentally fucked up Merlin and Arthur's fate, and now they're left with two idiots who don't realise they love each other.





	Once and Future Ineffable Idiots.

**Author's Note:**

> This is just word vomit. I had a shitty idea and now here we are

On this particular day, Merlin was sat on the floor by the horses. The last few days had been some of the hottest there had ever been in Camelot. The sun, as much as he usually loved it, was causing nothing but tension. He observed from afar, noticing the wretched looks that Merlin was sending in Arthur’s general direction.

“And I thought we were idiots,” came Crowley’s voice, from where he was hidden amongst some nearby shrubbery.

“Yes, well, one would think that you wouldn’t make a statement such as that with twigs sticking out of your hair.” Aziraphale was meant to say it with attitude, but it just came out as fond as ever. Just like every time he spoke to Crowley, or of Crowley, or near Crowley. He smiled as Crowley took his hand and came to stand by his side.

“You know that they’re going to kill us when they find out that we never did let him die.” Aziraphale said, worrying at a loose bit of golden thread that was hanging loose on his cream robes.

“I mean, I don’t really think they’re going to check any time soon.” Crowley said, his vertical pupils reduced to parchment-thin lines in the light of the early evening sun. His eyebrows were knitted together, forging a worry crease along his forehead. Aziraphale knew better than to ask, though. He knew what was on Crowley’s mind.

“We should go.” Crowley suggested, his tone light, to cover his thoughts.

“You know we won’t.” Aziraphale answered.

“We should.”

“Not until they- Not until-” Aziraphale tried to clear his throat instead of wanting to say anything aloud. It was petty, and quite frankly something that Angels and Demons didn’t often interfere with. At least, not normal Angels and Demons.

“They won’t.” Crowley mumbled. “Not unless we speak to him again.” 

The catch in Crowley’s tone revealed that he too had not forgotten the last time they spoke to Merlin, or the several times previous. Before the upcoming of Arthur’s untimely doom, they had gone to Merlin to guide him towards his destiny. Working as somewhat of a level conscience between them, they tried to help Merlin with what was to come. Only, it didn’t quite go to plan. Then, after Arthur had almost died at the hands of Mordred, as was intended in this centuries’ big ineffable plan, a certain demon might have accidentally let slip to a certain dragon that Merlin would need some help. Lo and behold, said dragon arrived early, Arthur was healed, and everyone lived happily ever after. 

“Poor Gwaine.” Crowley added, meaning that he had been having similar thoughts. Yes, whilst unintentionally saving Arthur from his prophesied doom, they may or may not have forgotten about Gwaine and Percival little road trip, earning Aziraphale the punishment of having restless legs for a month, and forcing Crowley to smile a flirting maiden during any interaction with anyone at all. 

“Yes, we will have to talk to him.” Aziraphale agreed. They made eye contact, and on Crowley’s wink, they were suddenly each at Merlin’s shoulders.

“Oh for heaven’s sake! You have  _ got  _ to  _ stop _ doing that!” Merlin whispered angrily, probably not wanting to attract the attention of the knights. They had all found out about Merlin being in, of and at one with magic back on the fields of Camlann, but it would probably be too much to see tiny copies of a glowing white angel and a suave demon on a person’s shoulders. At least, for now. 

“Merlin, this is getting out of hand.” Crowley said, looking at the sweat patches all over Merlin’s clothes, and at the sheen over his nose and forehead. Even his hair was slicked to one side with it. 

“What is? Humour me.” Merlin asked, a little more aggressively that necessary.

“Merlin, we did try to apologise. We didn’t  _ want _ to kill him, it was just the way it was written into reality. We didn-”

“Well!-” Merlin interrupted, and Aziraphale gasped at the audaciousness. “ _ Evidently _ it wasn’t written that way because there he stands! Sauntering around the bloody place with-”

“Oi, sauntering’s my thing.” Crowley added, and Aziraphale actually rolled his eyes, heaven help.

“And swinging that sodding sword, hitting trees and branches and bloody rocks then coming over here with his ‘Ooooo Merlin, please clean my sword. I have another day of fighting no enemies tomorrow so everything needs to be spotless and pristine and-”

“Here!” came Arthur’s voice, interrupting them all. Aziraphale just had time to snap them to a nearby blackberry bush before Arthur noticed them.

“My sword will need cleaning by tomorrow.” Arthur said, dropping the object at Merlin’s feet.

“Yes,  _ your majesty.” _ Merlin sneered, to which Arthur responded by raising his eyebrows and bellowing out an obnoxious laugh.

“Urgh, it’s like watching Mammoths trying to mate. Remember that one with the bent tusk? Just kept waving it’s backside at that one with the-”

“Yes, well some things are best left as distant memories, aren’t they, my love?” Aziraphale hummed. Then, upon seeing Arthur’s retreat back to the open clearing with Sir Leon, Sir Percival and the rest of their men, he snapped them back to Merlin’s shoulders. Merlin didn’t jump this time, though.

“Isn’t he charming?” Crowley asked, watching as Arthur crept up behind one of the younger knights, attacking him by jumping on his back.

“Oh yes, very honorable, very kingly…” Merlin said, his voice oozing sarcasm with every hint of modulation, as he picked up Excalibur from where it lay in the ground.

“Perhaps you should tell him to take it back to the river,” Aziraphale suggested, distracted by Merlin’s change in posture.

“Perhaps you should, you can deal with the attitude.” Merlin answered. To which Crowley snorted a laugh.

“Do you know what? You two are one of the highlights of my very long life so far. Never in all my life have I known such bloody idiocy.”

Aziraphale craned back to look past Merlin’s neck, shooting warning glances at his demon.

“That is  _ hardly _ necessary, Crowley.” he reprimanded. 

“Really?” Crowley asked, gesturing his head off to the side. Aziraphale looked to Merlin, who at that very same moment looked to Arthur, and started choking.

Crowley of course set off into hysterical laughter, whilst Aziraphale tried to calm Merlin down. It was only a good twenty seconds after checking that Merlin hadn’t brought up any food at all, that he realised that Merlin was choking because Arthur was now topless.

“Oh dear, Merlin. We have to do something about all of this. You are much to deep into this mess for me to save you.” Aziraphale cooed, whilst gently patting Merlin’s earlobe. 

“But,  _ look _ at him, he’ll be mortified. He’s absolutely perfect!” Merlin ranted, and Aziraphale hushed and hummed.

“I suppose he is really rather attractive, isn’t he, Dear?” Aziraphale asked Crowley, who seemed to consider the question for a moment before scrunching up his nose.

“Nah, I’m more into the glowing, smiling, heavenly type.” Crowley answered.

“Even if they might make one or two little hiccups now and again?” 

“Especially if they make one or two little-”

“Oh Gods, just stop before I vomit.” Merlin added.

Aziraphale and Crowley had their work cut out for them with these two idiots. 

**Author's Note:**

> Only doing this to try and shift a damn writers block.


End file.
